The Notes app on my phone is filled with completely random words to start using; thoughts; NYC to do lists; dream casts to play roles in a movie I write; Bible verses; books to read; letters to write; goals to achieve...etc. It's all over the place and I rarely delete them. What i'm realizing about myself is that I have a hard time claiming things about my life. For instance, I am a writer. I love to journal and to write letters. I'm not sure yet how I fair at creative writing; though I do enjoy it. These things make me a writer. The pressure (which only I put on myself at this point) that follows that statement is unnecessary and yet exists. That makes me hesitant to claim the fact that I am a writer. Now, there are people who will refute my claim, if I make it. But technically, I am writing every day, therefore I am a writer. Right? Who decides? There is no point to this thought, other than to say that I find joy when I put pen to paper. The more life I experience, especially during difficult times, it becomes evident that some simple things bring me joy. I have to pay attention to what those things are and remember to exercise whatever that is. It is Masters Weekend in Augusta, Georgia. That's easily my favorite sporting event. I know I feel calm when I watch it and it (odd, i know) brings me joy. I will find time to carve out at least an hour to watch part of the tournament, even if that means watching replay footage. But I digress.
There are other things to discuss. This winter has been unusual, not because of the weather but because it has felt both full of creativity and lacking of it simultaneously. I think the problem is that i'm anxious about the next thing and doing enough. I was fortunate enough to collaborate with a couple artists on a musical piece that we got to perform after about a month of rehearsing a couple of times a week. It was abstract, funny, beautiful, unique and kind of bizarre at times. The singing (mostly operatic, not by me) was stunning. What a gift that opportunity was! Currently, I'm in the middle of a clown class. There's much to discuss but I'll tell you, it's not been as silly as I would have thought. It's fun and challenging. The biggest takeaway I have so far, is that truthful comedy/silliness often requires us to be at our most vulnerable. Being around kids and observing the way they handle conflict, their emotions and creativity helps me be more open. I've realized that kids give me the most permission to be me. Part of clowning, is working out your outfit and your mannerisms, "off-balances" as they are called. I'm still searching for what these things are, but the picture is my first attempt. Stay tuned for more. My challenge is to search for what brings you joy. Start making room for that in your life and make it a habit. Happy Masters Weekend - SS
