There’s a Phil Wickham song, Tears of Joy, playing right now on my PANDORA station. Yes, you read it right. I typed Pandora. Sometimes I prefer the shuffle of Pandora to the playlists of Spotify. I use them both though, so please don’t write me off as irrelevant yet. Okay, now that we’ve moved past that near catastrophic conflict, I’ll continue on with my flow.
For whatever reason, the best way for me to describe this year is through a color palette. I am incredibly grateful for sight. One of the ways I experience my faith in Jesus and gain perspective, is through seeing the colors of this world. As my last post is titled, Crayons, I shall declare this a 2019 theme! The palette of colors above seem like a good fit. They represent the year’s weather, career highs and lows, friendships, my range of emotions, therapy, trips to SC, GA, TN, AL, NJ (Six Flags), France in a couple weeks, weddings, funerals, babysitting, hospital trips, lots of cheeseburgers and fries, and beyond. I’ve tried to reflect more on the life I’ve lived. Do you stop and reflect? Let me tell you, the meaningfulness of life will most likely take your breath away. However, there’s no shortage of pain.
A dear friend recently said goodbye to a pet that’d been a part of her adult life for well over a decade. She’s grieving and rightly so. Losing someone you love -pet or person or place- hurts. She told me that she feels silly for being so sad. But in my opinion, to grieve is to honor a relationship. Grief also leads to reflection which inevitably sheds light on glimpses of joy. To love and be loved by someone is a privilege. Perhaps will even bring tears of joy. And speaking of joy, I went to Six Flags this year.
OKAY. I know you’re thinking, Sarah, that transition was brutal and I can’t possibly go from death to six flags. You’re right. But, let’s pretend (remember pretending?) that it was a great transitional sentence! I was completely unsure of how my tense, 35 year old bones would respond on a rollercoaster that twists and flips at high speeds. It was definitely touch and go after our warm-up rollercoaster (wooden one). I thought my neck was locked into a downward facing position for a solid 2 minutes. I was convinced i’d be leaving Six Flags on a stretcher (also I was the oldest person in our group by a solid 7 years). But, after an hour or so, I was riding every ‘coaster I could find. There was screaming, tears and lots of laughter. The tension in my body was shaken out. At the end of the day, close to 9pm, four of us road the teacup ride. I was tired and filled with delight, so much so, that my body was completely relaxed. Wonderful. However, this is not ideal for the teacup ride. Because when I say I was a ragdoll and my friends took advantage of my vulnerability, I ain’t lying. I nearly was hurled out of our teacup at a high spinning speed. But I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time. It will be one of the highlights of this year, without a doubt. Six Flags in New Jersey has a container filled with my joy tears. And it was divinely timed.
To be honest, I’m tired and fighting doubt in several areas of my life; like i’m stuck on the micro-view setting. But, when I do zoom out to see the whole palette of colors, i’m reminded of how much hope lives in me because of all God’s promises. And here I am, writing again which also brings me joy. So, if you reader, are having a hard time, try taking a second to think about the vibrant moments of this year. Breathe. And trust that there’s a teacup beyond the wooden rollercoaster.