The Winter Months

I've been stalling a bit trying to figure out what to write; hence no January entry. This winter has felt very strange. In New York, we've had freezing days in a row, followed by an unseasonably warm day; then Jack Frost levels out a bit, only to reproduce the same cycle over again. Work days have felt longer and my free days have felt unfocused. However, if I take a step back and think about the winter months as a whole, there have been a number of bright spots. Plus, loads of fun. Why do exhaustion and frustration carry more weight than joy and laughter? Who do I need to get coffee with to change that? 

I've been around kids more lately, which has wonderfully stimulated my imagination. Parents are still heroes to me. I honestly don't  know how ya'll do it every day. Whether a stay-at-home parent or a working mom, both take an enormous amount of perseverance and I tip my hat to ya'll. If you're reading this and multi-tasking with keeping a child alive as one of those tasks, be encouraged by this. You're doing a lot AND surviving. Good job!

Okay back to imagination. If I were to pick a mammal to describe my winter months self, i'd be a cutie pie lil' turtle, creeping along to my destination; definitely stopping along the way to hide under my shell and nap along the way. I'm committing to letting that be enough right now. And if I truly have my eyes open to the way the world talks, there are incredible amounts of fun and encouragement swirling around me, trying to land somewhere. You better believe I want to be that somewhere...and I have been. I won't list all the ways, but I need to write this to remind myself that it's happening; despite my tendency to feel dull and stuck. There's a Bible verse in Isaiah that says, "He will give the weary strength." Whether you believe in God or not, this is a need a lot of people I talk to have right now. The world seems to be moving so rapidly, exhaustion is becoming more of a normalcy. That's not what I want for myself or for you. I'm praying for strength for a weary world and for more bright spots. Thank you for reading this. I'll end with a little gratitude practice: I'm thankful to have a new day to write, walk, eat, laugh, hug and encourage, be loved and to love, etc. Talk to you in March - I'll have a fun update for you, I promise!  Love, SS

2017 Wrap Up

As you can see, it's been a few months since I posted an update. To be honest, I let exhaustion take the wheel. When I look back over the year, it's an exhausting one; not to say it wasn't worth it. The fact that this year held the final semester of my acting program, a handful of trips, a new website, deepening friendships, a new church, a lot of survival jobs and a couple of acting opportunities is WILD. If this year were a sandwich, it would be the biggest, juiciest, corned beef sandwich known to man. I've had several friends visit and more friends love on me than I could've ever envisioned for my life.

Reflecting at the end of a year is something I find incredibly important. This year, a very full one, has also included loss for several of my friends. Bad breakups, losing loved ones and trying to make sense of a world that seems to be in turmoil constantly, has made it difficult to cling to the goodness that I know exists. I also believe in having hope; but know that sometimes it's hard to find it. What's happened for me is that when I've not been capable of having hope, there's been someone else in my life to have enough to speak it over me. And eventually, i've moved into a space where I can have it again. I probably write this every time, but I just feel so dang fortunate to be loved by the people who love me. 

It's snowing today in New York. It's beautiful. But a few days ago, I watched my mom sit in a hospital bed in a lot of physical pain. That experience really wasn't beautiful. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing hopscotch between beauty and depravity. You know, when sometimes you have one foot in one square, the other foot in the air? Then the next move, both feet are planted in two squares. What's in the square changes as does the way we move through it. Some days, it's exhausting to balance one foot in one square and other days it's hilarious. Same goes with two feet down - some days it's just boring, while at a different moment the steadiness is a relief. I  try to remember that with the bitter often follows the sweet. Those sweet moments are incredible when they follow something heartbreaking. I don't think one can avoid the pain life deals. But I do think that we can let people love us through it. 

I can't thank ya'll enough for encouraging me. And if by some long shot, you're reading this and don't really know me, I hope you've found something that resonates. I promise I will not let more months go by without writing. It is my favorite past time. Happy New Year everyone. Love, SS

Not All Days Are Easy

August has been speeding by and it's been a little tougher than I imagined. During the last semester of the two years at MFS, we were told the absence of the program would be difficult. I did not feel it until August. Stuck. It will not last forever, but this month has been hard. There have been glimpses of inspiration from plays like, A Doll's House, Part 2 and going to hear Jazz at Dizzy's in Columbus Circle. Plus, I've had several visitors this month reminding me of how loved I am and how colorful my life has been thus far. Thank you my friends. The other spot that has guaranteed hope and encouragement for me is spending time with kids. There is simplicity, fearlessness and lots of silly with kids. What a gift! It's like a reset button to the constant go-go-go, be-an-adult mindset that tends to happen. It's hard to put the feeling of a slump into words but I imagine it has to be relatable for most people? It's important for me to commit to the one day at a time mentality; otherwise, it would all be too much. The photo you see is of the first page of my vision board. A couple of friends and myself got together one night to create those. What a treat! Go ahead and take a peek. It may not mean much to you, but it is fun to hope for what could be! In addition to that, here is a short list of things I'm thankful for:

• I was given a magic wand this summer! #Gryffindor  
• A person I admire and consider a mentor connected me to a playwright I love.
• My friends got us front row rush tickets to see A Doll's House, Part 2 and ya'll...i may see it twice
• Several new friends have entered my life and dumped joy right into it. 
• My former roommate and I went to see Empire Records on the roof of a hotel in Manhattan
• Although survival jobs aren't ideal, i've hit the jackpot regarding co-workers

- SS