As you can see, it's been a few months since I posted an update. To be honest, I let exhaustion take the wheel. When I look back over the year, it's an exhausting one; not to say it wasn't worth it. The fact that this year held the final semester of my acting program, a handful of trips, a new website, deepening friendships, a new church, a lot of survival jobs and a couple of acting opportunities is WILD. If this year were a sandwich, it would be the biggest, juiciest, corned beef sandwich known to man. I've had several friends visit and more friends love on me than I could've ever envisioned for my life.
Reflecting at the end of a year is something I find incredibly important. This year, a very full one, has also included loss for several of my friends. Bad breakups, losing loved ones and trying to make sense of a world that seems to be in turmoil constantly, has made it difficult to cling to the goodness that I know exists. I also believe in having hope; but know that sometimes it's hard to find it. What's happened for me is that when I've not been capable of having hope, there's been someone else in my life to have enough to speak it over me. And eventually, i've moved into a space where I can have it again. I probably write this every time, but I just feel so dang fortunate to be loved by the people who love me.
It's snowing today in New York. It's beautiful. But a few days ago, I watched my mom sit in a hospital bed in a lot of physical pain. That experience really wasn't beautiful. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing hopscotch between beauty and depravity. You know, when sometimes you have one foot in one square, the other foot in the air? Then the next move, both feet are planted in two squares. What's in the square changes as does the way we move through it. Some days, it's exhausting to balance one foot in one square and other days it's hilarious. Same goes with two feet down - some days it's just boring, while at a different moment the steadiness is a relief. I try to remember that with the bitter often follows the sweet. Those sweet moments are incredible when they follow something heartbreaking. I don't think one can avoid the pain life deals. But I do think that we can let people love us through it.
I can't thank ya'll enough for encouraging me. And if by some long shot, you're reading this and don't really know me, I hope you've found something that resonates. I promise I will not let more months go by without writing. It is my favorite past time. Happy New Year everyone. Love, SS